It will disappoint you to find, today I have nothing to say to you

Except that I am healing

And I’ve hung a do not disturb sign on my heart, so to that end, beside my bedside — a candle that smells like the sun

But too, our beach and the suntan lotion I smoothed onto your skin well over a year ago

Well into the midnight hour, it burned, and I felt like the irresponsible teen-aged girl I was when we met

Read: Carefree

Good timing, for today is to be an unseasonably warm December day

Without a coat, I’ll work out the difficult feelings while out in the yard, raking one last time before the snow flies

When the last of those magnolia leaves fall later this coming week, I won’t give a damn

I’ll be busy recalling the days when you cared to caution me to please drive safely in the snow

You didn’t want to lose me to accident or injury — you’ve forgotten that, but I forgive you

Silently in my head, I pray these days for your safety too, knowing you never thought much of my prayers

Or my help

Or my written and spoken and demonstrated sentiment

Or my too-small home, where I tried to keep us well

And Christmas is coming

And you won’t be here

And I may mail you a gift and a card, because, after all, I love you more today than I did yesterday, or the day before

My gift and my card would convey this, plus give you one last opportunity before year’s end to ignore again my olive branch

I’m looking forward to the coming decade, despite that it’s looking like I won’t know you then

About your birthdays, I’ll still celebrate them

I woke up at 2am to tell you, I have nothing left to tell you that I’ve not been sure to have already said

A wordgirl gone reluctantly silent with you

Accept that I am healing