Nonplussed

Were I to sit down once again on that bronze-y parquet floor
Recalling bare-legged me
Relishing the coming summer sunset warming the scene

Floor-to-ceiling picture windows

My minion, watching monkey-business on the idiot box
Constant companions, we
T-shirt and shorts, the two of us
The uniform of the discarded

I would smile this time

I understood and understand still
Your ill-behavior, your abandonment
Warranted silence
I could say no more

I’d polish my toenails
That same multicolored glitter gloss
Plotting my goodbye

Knowing you won’t care

Unmanned

Wounded child
Not a man
Far too old, you play

Absent fingers
Hollow heart
Empty end of day

Highschool sweetheart
Dead to me
You abused my grace

One word for you:
Therapy.
Father-wound to trace

Single Torch

I took all the light in lieu
A select vessel
And with these, vanished to a sunnier place on high

I didn’t ask

Though it still pains me that no one put up a fight

There is more East now than ever before

Here, the Sunflowers turn their faces skyward
Earth and stars seem everywhere

The May-blooming Magnolia disappeared with me, too

Gracious, though
I left a single torch and White Tulips
For my shadow, who remains there, sometimes

She

The sliver of time before I became tragic
Was it a wicked serpent’s word
Some desired autonomy
This devotion to husband and child?

Think with me honestly
What of heart’s protracted pain
Is my sweet apple affinity
My downfall?

Shadowboxing

In the evening, I sat out, well beyond 8:58

The front porch shadows shielded me 

That I might pretend

My bedtime hadn’t come and gone

The smile in my telephone-voice wasn’t masking a mom’s tortured heart 

Acceptance would come and those few miles away, would prove okay, someday

Hood ornaments on passing trucks did in no way devastate

This wasn’t the calm before the storm

The temperature wouldn’t dare drop, degree by degree, with each sip of my sleepy-time tea 

The gardens weren’t soon going to hell

My choice to survive hadn’t offended my God

Tomorrow, no one would know 

Child

No reason my heart ought beat
No logic

Save you, who saves me

From nothingness, thinks me something
From absence, brings me present

No reason, no logic
But perfect sense

No Photos

The morning I think of giving up
Shades of moss green and orchid peaceably pull me back
As an elder, in Auto-Tune
Promising a child that dancing days lie ahead
An altogether different morning, now
That deserves
I deserve
A wholly-new and holy mind

Steph: An Epic Poem

She,
I think,
Would be Stephanie
A love I didn’t know I needed
A friend from a Friend
Both martyred
For, what are true friends for?

She,
Stephanie,
Would have gifted me
A kind word
A wise word
Both since otherwise elusive in my world
For, looking back, what did I expect?

She,
Steph, we’d have called her,
Would be a poem -nay, is a poem
A poem and sister to a brother
A work of art with no end, they are
Both Epic story-songs
For, hear thou, their lyrical air?

She,
Stephanie,
Would be safe from me now
A sword of truth having pierced my soul
A prayer of forgiveness asked
Both to self and sin, I desire to die
For what, but abandonment, is there?

She,
Stephanie,
Would be thirty soon
A soul eternal
A girl, a woman
Both alive
For, ‘tho I don’t deserve, why too am I?

They Touched

I heard him begin to breathe deep
Even breaths
Slipping away into sleep
Lulled  
Garrison Keillor on the radio 
If there’s ever a doubt
That the universe exists 
As much in us as we in it
Watch and listen
To a child
And a storyteller
At the same time