Vapor Lock

50 unfamiliar women, I was
A dozen different lifetimes, I lived
Shapeshifting to please
I tried
Never did we lock eyes
Despite my howl from the depths
My grasping to create
Some connection
I, the only one
Grieving, mourning who we’d be


You, Pontiac boy
Ever-beaconing muscle-car radio
Oldies songs all the way
Turned up

I, Chevy girl
Ever-grasping the volume knob
Ripped it off, tossed it out
My window

Pictured us
Forever grooving, reminiscing
Life-long love song
We’d drive


You represent a grasping to me. A place, not a soul, I turn to when my own souls feels too mortal. I come to you uncertain. Hoping, just this once, you will make me whole. I leave with scraps of self-respect. A lesser-ness of me hanging, dangling from my bones. You know this. You love me, yet you do not turn away.