Bad Actors

So there he was
That three-plus decades-old ghost of a love-of-my-life
Did we frolic and promise
I can’t say
Because suddenly, there he wasn’t

Did I wail, unrelenting
Did I bargain
You’re proof of said sale

Virtual man
Band-aid boy
Slapped against my heart, for I wanted healing quick

I let you
Cut me lengthwise with such narcissistic tongue

With this new heartbreak, find me
Not wailing
Not bargaining

Just reflecting
Lesson learned, this
Motherfuckers like you come and go in waves if I let you

Grown woman, now
I heal good, so no next time

Dime a dozen, you, spy boy, and I’ve put away my pocketbook


Could there be more heav’nly sounds
More clear-cut answer to prayer
As these wondrous crickets’ songs
Bless the lonely air

Tear-stained girl, lovesick boy
“Keep the hope,” ’tis said
This night, they’ll keep you company
Their concert voids the dread


I wouldn’t wish to sit there

With you us-only types

It’d hurt too much, cut too deep

Magnify my too-obvious void

And I wouldn’t want you to see

What I let y’all do to me

Keep your eyes covered

Should I ever have the need to walk

As part of my strategy

To retire the jeers

To bring my story home


By force, I was an outsider

To survive, I willingly walked

From comfort

To a foreign land

With the hope of finding a home

I traveled by night, hiding 

For more than anything, I feared

You’d pluck me from my journey

Back to prison 

It was the distance that kept me

From hearing the party you held

I looked down at my knees

Denim and dirt covered 

The biggest holes I’d ever seen

Worn through

My struggle evident to me now

I was adrift in the desert

You’d no plan to look for me

I spent the rest of my days in the dust

The sun large in a larger sky 

Deliriously happy 

Desperately heartbroken 


All this there is
Things -oh so many things
There are
That now never will I
Conceive and utter 

Yet I could only hope
Only Hope
So I expected a chance 
I was stopped
As I journeyed