First the sting, next the
Soon visible purple stain
Upon the left hand
This is typical. Last night, at bedtime, in bed, my boy draws for me his version of a flower. In yellow highlighter. That’s the typical part -the yellow highlighter. It’s how he speaks best to me. He knows I’ll take the effort to look hard and see him there, hidden in yellow against a white background.
He slept with that marker last night and woke up with it this morning, determinedly placing it behind his ear for safekeeping. At breakfast he sat, yellow highlighter marker tucked behind his ear. In the car on the way to school, how many times did it fall from behind his ear and, without wavering, he placed it back again? He wore it into school and intends to keep it there with him all day. I didn’t need to ask him why, I just hope his teacher will get it too. What secret flowers will he give to the world today if permitted?
My littlest sister won the ‘You Are So Damn Correct Award’ just two days ago when she said to cheer me up “at least you have your child.” Yes. It was an out-of-the-blue remark and I fought to understand the relevance in the moment. But I get it now. With the image of my boy getting out of the car with a yellow highlighter marker tucked behind his ear, fully prepared to give the world secret flowers, I get it now.
Share some small secret
Use yellow euphemisms
I’ve insistent eyes
There’s a carved-out pit
of bones and blood, filled with a
loving heart. So smart.
From several floors below
You scream to me for dear life
A deep, earnest, raspy plea
And although I cannot tell exactly what you need from me
The beautiful desperation in your voice
Has awakened me finally and I will give you all that I have
You give me snapshots
Of just what living looks like
You bring me balance
As simple an act
As two creatures holding hands
Tells me there is God