Boy Upon The Hill

Nothing’s fitting

Not the double barrel shotgun you placed against my heart
Not your blindfold upon me anymore
Nor your murderous silence

I’ve outgrown your cowardice
The singe of alone you always left me is fading away

But the boy you killed, I’ll live with daily
Stolen from me, the memory gorgeous

The boy upon the hill calling me
Kissing me
After some schoolbell tolled

All these decades, still

miracle heart transplant

there is no Noah-gene abounding of me

no spin of the wheel offering another lifespan allowance equal to what you’ve long since spent

in silence, find truth

there is no infinite number of star-filled skies

no take-backs or do-overs, despite my shouts of forgiveness and this miracle heart transplant

in truth, find silence

Spilling Out

Imagine

Words building a ceiling
Slowly
Taking in hand an instrument
Carving in tender skin
Mantras
Misery you wouldn’t wish
Back upon the speaker
Tormented
Themself so clearly already
Spilling out is all they know

Survive

Clear

Sugar, speak

Speak aloud to the ghosts
On this journey, with you from an infant thing

You know they know you
They’ll believe you

Have no fear
For it’s rest you’ll find
There
In them

And laughter, then silence
Finally

Look for me
Here
Speak

Bring us back to life

From Defeat

Gingerly
Silently
From a place of respect
From defeat

Not yet ready for the early morning lack
The streets still littered with the chaos that ensued
I close the door

From the other side
I ask, To Whom can I turn

He tells me Yes, and shepherds me to sunlight

Unprocessed

I’ve come to decide

From necessity

The crickets’ cry of silence means

I’ve left my beloveds speechless

In the very best way possible

Stunned, like they’d just seen a light

Its source before now unknown

And decisions of whether to fear

Or to collaborate

Are yet unprocessed