Mute

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I take back the lavender and the twin beds we pushed together, drunk on the pollen

Those saltwater waves and sand dunes?
Say goodbye

Every mile of concrete, each and every city song — mine alone, now!
Hot gravity and thick urban beats, such gifts I do revoke

But the mountains
I’ll let you keep
For you were late
You fell asleep
And they don’t remember you, anyway

Self-Quarantine

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Cold. You walk around cold from something
Overly everything and also nothing
Vacillating between emotions everywhere
Intertwined with physical what-ifs
Damned if you aren’t wondering about whether

A Gift You Didn’t Want

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Do you remember the after-work nights

I’d let you lay your tawny head in my lap
Content now, at peace finally
You’d fall fast asleep, clutching my hand

The movie would roll
I’d wake you during
With an anything-but-absentminded stroke of your hair
Or after
With a simple kiss

Eagerly, I’d relay all you’d missed
Sleepily, you’d disclose you’d seen it, actually

The gentle walk to bedtime now
Tomorrow’s a busy day
The why, I reasoned
Without reaching out to my heart or my skin
You’d fall fast asleep, clutching my hand

I’d think of you there
So far over there
As my starving skin fell slowly

Asleep

Finally

Morning, I, still clutching

My hand making breakfast with berries
Feeding you what felt like a gift you didn’t want

I remember the sun seemed to always shine through my door on you
As you left for the day
And for too-many days more missing you

I’d fall fast asleep, clutching your hand
In my heart
Skin screaming out at the emptiness, but the weekend was coming

Saturday! The day
You’d let me share my City
My family, my home, my sound-sleep space again
My time, my life
With you

Do you miss this?

Or was boredom all you recall?

Sin and God

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I see you tucked away, there in the corner of this epic adventure.
A stowaway undermining, under the guise of love and concern.

I come for inspection, to work, and for respite every couple of days and we lock eyes.
With your back to me, and a mirror before you, I watch you watch me plead hello.
There’s a reason you do not respond to my greetings until the awkwardness becomes too thick to ignore me anymore.

You’re stealing and hoarding and leveraging me and what’s mine.

The awesome view from on high.
The space I’ve created to just be.
The aura I emit.
My ample supply of lust and cinnamon breakfast cereal.
My apathy in attending properly to it all.

Until yesterday, when the doorman warned me, so gracefully, you must go.

More precisely that I must say to you.
When you’re here, you’re not yourself, thus this means it’s time.
The Welcome sign at my doorstep you’ve taken far too far, my friend….
It was never meant for you, you know, I see.
Sin and God told me.

City Of

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A woken aura found me

Slow-danced me in silence when I thought to over-think

Baby, flanked in trouble, why?
Come here from over there

With your eyes wide open now
Rest in Me, He said