And today your conscience
How can it be clear
Some greater good
You reason no doubt

I disposable
You abandoner
But keep me close
For duty’s sake 

I a conduit
A means to your purpose
That only the that
And the this of her sees

Although not at first
Or even second
But from the way outfield
It sailed

“Just listen” “Just stay”
The duo It, called 
Rat
I smelled it but I laughed 

The days, the years 
Their voice in my head
Booms on and on and on and on
Yesterday I’m tired to fight 

The truth is I love to lie
Every day to myself to survive
It keeps me
It kills me

I bid near this child
To inquire of its nature
In order to name it 
This leviathan 

It assures
“You know me, your folly made me”
With distanced haught 
It mocks me

Against a barrage
(Away, far and away
From any fortress)
To an unprotected heart

I failed the test
I failed to say
You are enough
Though I calculated the cost

I knew to spend all I had and could borrow 
To love like That
And that
And not that

A decision hungering for heart
The firstborn of its kind
Has left the mind
Ravaged

The World is pooled around me now
I notice more 
And more and more this becomes
An opposite of what should be 

There is no walking away
From this
So my mind is mad 
At the courage of my heart 

My
Undoing
Began at the beginning
Defending the should-be defender

All I gave, all it took
There it was, their rain
Always asking 
Never, ever answering 

I think I thought 
It fed me to feed
Now I am fat of myself 
And starved of them

I must stand
Born under some mandate
To remain flexed at the ready 
But for this 

As I am organic
Cracking apart, waning with each moment
I cannot stay
Staid

For this story
And to tell it
With due care and congeniality 
I must sit